Okay, this is one of those things that nobody has to read, nobody wants to read, but I have to say it anyway. Feel free to stop reading now.
My grandmother died this morning. She was important, our relationship was increasingly strained which is my fault, but she was a very good woman, and her presence on the planet often made me think our species didn't suck as badly as it could have. She had Alzheimer's the last several years, and it was complicated by a lot of things, and as my mother put it this morning, she was probably about ready to move on to the next thing for her.
Whether anyone was ready to let her go is another issue, and not one that ultimately
matters that much.
My relationship with my family is equally complicated, and the funeral is going to make that worse, but I guess we'll see what happens.
In any event, I absolutely don't need expressions of sympathy. It'll get sorted out, eventually, and I'm not interested in guilting people who don't even really know me, let alone her, into spending time trying to think of something useful to say, plus I can't be bothered to try to think up useful ways to respond. Don't worry about it, really.
Me, I'm one of those reincarnation-type pagans, and I suspect she'd quite like to be grasses or waves on an ocean beach in Oregon, where we used to go sometimes, for a while, so I'm going to keep thinking about that, and it will help. So will Sunrise Earth (Possible noise at link), which I've got piles of episodes DVRd and will help give me a good way to think about this, especially the beach ones.
But the blogroll thing will likely be postponed for a bit unless I finish with SE and have a manic upswing, so all of you six people who were hoping for the two hits next month that being on my illustrious blogroll can bring you, maybe April.
Anyway, there it is, and now I'm going to go fold a lot of cranes and try to think up something to do with them that will honor my grandmother.
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3 comments:
Condolences, anyway. If and when you need to take a break, as a crane maker you may already be aware of Robert Lang, but you might find this article in the New Yorker about him an interesting distraction nevertheless. I did, but then I'm an origami ignoramus.
Well, that sorta sucks. My grandmother went out about 6 years ago, and it was a bit of a mercy - she also had Alzheimers, and it was pretty terrible watching her go downhill. Towards the end she knew I was important to her, but couldn't actually place me.
I still miss her. Both the woman I said goodbye to, and the one she was before the disease hits.
So no sympathy, but you're not alone.
You have my sympathy, needed or not. Empathy too; 10 years ago, both of my grandfathers (both very dear to me) died within days of each other.
My maternal grandpa was no surprise, for he too suffered Alzheimers (and diabetes) for a decade before. In truth, his passing was something of a relief for us all- he had too fine a mind to lose. My paternal grandpa was a big surprise- he went in for what should have been minor surgery on his foot, but died of a heart attack under anesthesia.
I really regret that I missed both of their funerals- I was at sea in the Navy at the time and didn't even hear of it until afterwards. I'm still pissed at the chaplain service for not getting Mom's frantic message to me. The one time in my life when I might've had a use for clergy and they dropped the ball.
Anyway, be well and good luck. I'm picturing a flock of multicolored origami birds drifting out on the tide...
RobW
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